I’m freaking out. No seriously, I’m freaking out. This could be it. Like, for real, IT!
It’s the day before my frozen embryo transfer (FET) and I’m nervous as hell, a little excited but mostly nervous. I haven’t been able to sleep very much, just too much going on in my head. It’s been one hell of a month (well 2 months really, well really 4 years but who’s counting). I’m in full IVF swing at the moment with progesterone shots every other morning, estrogen patches every other day, and more pills than I can count to get ready for this transfer tomorrow. I’m so tired of all the medications, it’s making me a bit crazy and what sucks is that I’ll have to keep taking all the medication up until 8 weeks pregnant (hopefully I get there). But after 4 years, I might finally get what I’ve wanted for so long.
So like I said, I’m freaking out. Luckily, I have some pretty wonderful people by my side that help calm me down. So I wanted this post to be about thanking those that have shown me so much support (warning, it might be a bit long). So in no particular order, thank you to:
- My friend Elizabeth who recently sent me a quote: “You were given this mountain to show others it could be moved”. She said it made her think of me. I was incredibly honored. I mean this quote has a lot to it: 1) that you’re going through something big, as big as a mountain, 2) that you’re strong enough to move said mountain, and 3) that you are even stronger by sharing your story and showing others that they’re not alone. I mean wow… talk about a compliment.
- My friend Brianne – a friend I’ve had since elementary school. We’ve been emailing back and forth ever since I started my fundraiser for RESOLVE last year. We had lost touch but Facebook keeps us aware of each others’ lives. She had donated to my fundraiser almost immediately and we began our friendship over again by sharing stories and venting about whatever was going on in our lives. And at my lowest point in the past 2 years (remember, my last post?), she emailed me with a statement to “keep sharing, I share all the time and it helps” after I had apologized for maybe sharing a little too much.
- My friend Sarah. She’s a relatively recent addition to my friend cadre but man oh man, she’s a keeper. There’s a lot that she has done for me in the past few years but the reason I am so thankful for her is her undying positivity. In a world where there’s a lot of negativity, it’s so nice to see that not a lot gets her down. Her “half glass full” attitude can be quite annoying sometimes but she always seems to convince me to see her side. She has a boisterous laugh that is so infectious, your heart can’t help but brighten a little bit. I hope someday, I can be a friend to someone like she is to me.
- My mother. She always laughs at my jokes even if they aren’t funny (but let’s face it, they’re pretty much always funny – ha! I can just hear her laughing now). I can call her in full-on panic mode and she knows exactly what to say to bring me back to reality. She doesn’t back down from telling me things that I really don’t want to hear. She let’s me make mistakes and is always there to pick me up. She has a fairly busy life and always finds the time to make sure I’m doing ok. I guess this is what mother’s do. I hope I am as good a mother as she is to me – she’s taught me well.
- My friend Colleen. She knows EXACTLY what I’m going through. Sometimes I just need to vent about how much the progesterone shots hurt or I need advice on what to do after my FET. She’s there, she’s always there ready to give any support that’s needed and say “I get it, I totally get it. It sucks and it might hurt but you’ll get through it.” She’s a rock.
The badass ladies I hike with. As you’ve seen in other posts, I recently stumbled upon a community of women who’s passion is to hike and to meet like-minded ladies. I didn’t realize how much I needed them until I started hiking with them. The empowerment I get from the energy of these groups is just mind-blowing. When I feel at my lowest, heading to the mountains with some badass chicks is the cure for any disease. Special shout out to some particular ladies in this group that I’ve hiked with a few times (Renee, Brianne, Chelsea, and Wendy), you guys show me such strength!! Thank you!
- My in-laws (the whole lot of ’em). I pity those who have bad in-laws. I’ve heard horror stories about marrying into a family and the things that happen afterward. Luckily, the exact opposite happened with me. It doesn’t get much better than my Nova Scotian family. From Natalie and Gerard’s banter, to Francis’s undying sass – it’s the best family I could’ve married into. When I opened up to them about my infertility, I got nothing but love and support (and maybe some awkward moments talking about my uterus) from every single one of them.
- Rodney – my brother-in-law, the dairy farmer. He knows cows. Since Beaton men get a little awkward talking about babies, they always tend to drift the conversation back to cows. So Rodney felt it necessary to give some advice after my embryo transfer. While on the phone with Dan one day, he says “Tell Sarah, no pen moves and to eat some good hay” – good lord. Yep – that’s my brother-in-law. The funny thing is, I was talking to my father-in-law (who was also a dairy farmer before Rodney took over the farm) about what Rodney said and he just says to me “Well, yeah – gotta keep the cows happy and calm.” Sheesh.
- Leah – my soon to be sister-in-law. She’s my comic relief. There isn’t a week that goes by that she doesn’t text me something hilariously ridiculous that Rodney has done or something only another in-law would appreciate. She just gets me. She reminds me to be kind to myself and to take care of myself (including gifting me a day at the spa). I can’t wait to have the honor of officially calling her my sister.
- And of course, Dan. He’s stuck with me through everything. Through the sleepless nights of me worrying, the negative pregnancy tests, the countless shots, the crying (so much crying), the doctor appointments, the hormone rollercoaster, just everything. I sometimes wonder how he’s stuck with me this whole time, but he has. And I’m grateful.
I know that’s not everybody who has helped me through this time but there have been so much love and support, it’s hard to name them all. So next up is waiting – waiting for the results of a pregnancy test 9 days after the transfer. I have no idea what the result will be and I know I won’t be ready for it, but come March 15th, I’ll know. No matter the result, I’ll be around family a few weeks after the result and in IRELAND! Dan’s brother is getting married (you know, the dairy farmer) there and we’re making a vacation out of it. If I’m pregnant, it’s one more thing all of us can celebrate. If I’m not pregnant, I can continue the tradition of making a fool of myself at every Beaton wedding by drinking way too much and falling down stairs. Win-win, right?
So stay tuned for hiking reports from the Irish mountains…